Dear Mr. guy with the black rectangular framed glasses whose name I can’t remember,
I’m sorry for not giving you a tip. I had really intended to but you threw me off by never coming back to the table to give us our check. If you ever serve me again, please do not spit in my food because I plan to make it up to you… assuming that your service next time is also adequate. If it is not adequate, I will probably be upset. I’m sure you wouldn’t do that. If this letter suggests that I’m a badass you should believe it.
P.S. John the ex info studies student who still remembers the little people… you ROCK! You are so going on the Christmas card list. And good luck with that PSP plan.